Sand Futures A Sure Bet

Sydney Morning Herald

Saturday October 11, 2008

SCOTT ROCHFORT

The Australian Securities and Investments Commission's ban on short selling appears to have worked a treat, the sharemarket tumbling to a three-year low during the week. Luckily, the ban has helped shield companies such as Macquarie Group, Babcock & Brown and Fortescue Metals that had previously moaned about being targeted by evil short sellers.

Fortescue shares have fallen more than 50 per cent and Macquarie has fallenabout 25 per cent since the ban was imposed on naked and covered short selling three weeks ago. Perhaps ASIC should just ban share trading altogether so that companies such as Fortescue are not unfairly targeted by investors who think the companies are overpriced.

The short selling ban has not stopped one crafty shorter from attempting to undermine the entire financial system.

The cashed-up German property mogul Joseph Ratzinger, also known as Pope Benedict XVI, attempted to shatter society's faith in the global financial system during the week by suggesting it was "built on sand".

He referred to a speech given by Jesus Christ called the "Sermon on the Mount", in which it was noted houses could be built on sand or rock.

"Those who build on sand do so only on visible and tangible things: on success, career and money," Ratzinger told a meeting of 244 Synod Fathers on Monday after lifting some ideas from Christ's sermon.

"These seem to [be] true reality, but one day they will pass away," he went on.

"We see this now with the fall of the great banks. Money disappears; it becomes nothing."

Ratzinger argued that the "Word of God" was "in fact the foundation of everything".

On your Marx, get set ...

It is unclear what Ratzinger's comments meant. They followed an investor roadshow by his property outfit in Sydney in July, where they were promoting their prospectus, titled the "The Holy Bible", to young people.

One of Ratzinger's smaller rivals, the Kent-based Rowan Williams (aka Archbishop of Canterbury), appears to be attempting to undermine capitalism itself.

In a recent issue of The Spectator Dr Williams went so far as to agree with the godfather of communism, Karl Marx, on one point.

"Marx long ago observed the way in which unbridled capitalism became a kind of mythology, ascribing reality, power and agency to things that had no life in themselves; he was right about that, if about little else."

Some Hindus have pushed for the financial system to be replaced by "spiritual economics". The president of the Universal Society of Hinduism Rajan Zed, according to the website Religious Intelligence, has called on investors to avoid the "three gates to self-destructive hell": greed, anger and desire.

"Abandon these three. A person freed from these three gates of darkness seeks what is best and attains life's highest goal," argued Zed.

Chuck Norris could fix this mess

There was a huge sigh of relief across financial centres during the week after sharemarkets staged their biggest crash since October 1987. It had been feared the lump would be contained to September 2008, when sharemarkets fell following the collapse of Lehman Brothers and the bailout of the US insurer AIG.

Thankfully, markets from Wall Street to Tokyo, from London to Newcastle fell further this week, ensuring that October will not lose its reputation as the premier hoodoo month for investors.

The only concern is that the colour scheme governing the way financial journalists describe bad days on the market will have to be overhauled. With the 1987 crash laying claim to the term "Black Monday" and the 1929 crash claiming "Black Thursday", there are calls for a new colour to be worked into financial systems. There have already been five "Black Mondays" this year.

Meanwhile, the US Government's recent splurge to help bail out Wall Street has at least provided some relief from digital sign makers in New York. The National Debt Clock in New York's Times Square will require an upgrade after running out of digits when the country's debt ticked over the ten trillion dollar mark last month.

It also appears Chuck Norris's spiritual tome, Black Belt Patriotism: How to Reawaken America, was released a little too late to help save the National Debt Clock.

"To be in debt is to sacrifice your freedom and independence and give someone else power over you," explains Chuck, who recently served as an adviser to the Republican presidential contender Mike Huckabee.

"Do we think we can continue to experience freedom politically, and even personally, when our private and national debts loom over us like the king of England once did? Debt is bondage, plain and simple." Chuck is no relation to the Commonwealth Bank boss, Ralph Norris.

Knows a scalping when he sees it

The collapse in global financial markets has not stopped some public relations firms from believing that financial journalists could struggle to find something to write about.

One PR firm informed Reflux about an "award-winning" former hairdresser who developed two software programs for financial planners.

"The thing that I found that links hairdressing, financial planning and business is people. You must love people. People really ignite my passions - as well as economics and politics," explained Matthew Meath, the inventor of the software package.

"Being an adrenalin junkie by nature, with interests in rock climbing, scuba diving and motor bike racing, this energetic nature allowed me to swing that corporate pendulum into the unknown, and for me that was an exciting road to take," he gushed.

Apparently Meath taught prisoners at Pentridge Prison, Melbourne, "the fine art of hairdressing techniques as part of their rehabilitation".

Just as the information on Meath sent shockwaves through Reflux's Sydney newsrooms, there was yet another stunning snippet of news from the Public Relations Institute of Australia.

A study found that public relations firms were struggling to retain quality staff.

© 2008 Sydney Morning Herald

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